Really Living
by SunFlowerViolinist
Summary: Jess comes to Stars Hallow to live with his uncle. However, he wasn't expecting to deal with his Uncle's crazy wife Lorelai and even more he wasn't expecting to fall for her daughter. But, there is more to it than that ... Rory is sick. Will Jess be able to bring life back into someone so close to giving up? I don't own Gilmore Girls.
1. Chapter 1

He watched from the counter as she made her way to around the diner. She was thinner now, her young face aged, it was hard for her to conceal just how sick she was anymore. It broke his heart. He thought back to when she was younger. There wasn't a day when she wouldn't run through this place her long brown hair blowing as she ran, her laugher filling the whole room. She brought a joy to this place that was indescribable. She gave him a reason to live to run this place. He was nothing until her mother and her walked through that door all those years ago. Lorelai was the love of his life, but Rory she was his little girl. She had his heart in the palm of her hands and he knew that she was very aware of that fact at times. So, it killed him to sit and watch her get worst. Knowing that he can't do anything to make her better. All he could do was stand there and watch. "I am pretty sure that Kirk is stockpiling the Equal for home use." She said as she sat down in front of him. He tried to avoid looking into her blue eyes…that's where her pain showed the most. Anymore he all but collapses to the floor when he looks in her eyes.

"As long as he doesn't make me cut the crust off his sandwiches again I am fine with that." He replied as he looked at the counter. He knew that she could sense him pulling away from her over the past few months. It was the opposite reaction that her mother was having to the news. Lorelai barely lets the child out of her sight. He knew that was just as bad as him pulling away, but he didn't know what else to do.

"So, Jess gets in today right?" She asked as she looked up at him. He had almost forgotten that his sister was sending his nephew down here. Liz told him that Jess was having trouble in New York and maybe Luke could help straighten the boy out. Normally he would have fought it more, but he needed the help around the diner. After all who knew how long his little helper would even be able to sit here in the diner like she was at that moment. Lorelai was worried about Rory feeling like she was being replaced. Rory was an only child, a miracle that came into Lorelai's difficult time, but no matter what she was the best thing to happen to either of them. They had always spoiled her, she never had to share anything ever, but now she was going to have to share her room with some not even a real cousin that she never met before. It bugged Lorelai. Hell, it even bugged him a little. But, Rory didn't seem to care.

"Yep, his bus should be here in about an hour." He said as he looked at the clock on the back wall. "Maybe you should head home and help your mother set up for the crazy party that she is surely planning." He said as he looked up. He looked in her eyes and it was no time that he could feel a single tear running down his face.

"Why not?" Rory replied as she got up and walked towards the door. As he watched her walk out the door he wished he could do anything to fix everything. He just stood there staring at the door till the man who was sitting at the table farthest from the counter, the same one who was stockpiling the Equal call for him.

"Luke!" Kirk called as he held up his coffee mug for a refill.

"Get your own this time." Luke replied as he looked down at the counter again. Kirk was shocked by his words. It was an unwritten rule that the only people allowed behind that counter were Lorelai and Rory. Sometimes they even got hell for it and they were his family.

* * *

He looked out the window of the bus. As soon as they passed the 'Welcome to Stars Hallow' sign he knew that this place was his very own hell. He didn't understand why all the sudden Liz was worried about him. He managed to keep himself alive all these years as she worried about herself as she bounced from loser to loser, dead-end job to dead-end job. Yet, she flipped out all the sudden. So, here he was stepping off the bus in some dinky little small town. To be greeted by a man who looked like he stepped right out of a hunting fishing catalog. But, to be honest this is what he expected from what Liz said about her brother. It was no surprise to him that his Uncle Luke was there dressed in an old flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap. However, he was surprised when he noticed the wedding ring on his finger. Liz had said something about her bother being a bachelor for life. Shows you how close those two are. "Well the house is this way." Luke finally said after their awkward greeting leading the way through what seemed to be the heart of town. It was just two years until graduation … no he still knew that he couldn't handle it.

Even the house that Luke led him to was too much. The little white house screamed American dream, perfect family. He could just already picture Luke married to one of those housewives that try to drown you with bake goods as they secretly pop pain pills at night to get through the next day. "Well this is it." Luke said as he held the door open for him. "LORE WE ARE HOME!" He called as he walked towards the kitchen. Jess didn't know what to do so he just followed him. There sitting at the kitchen table was who he assumed was Luke's wife crying her eyes out. There were tissues with blood on them sitting next to her. Luke just looked at her and then him before sitting down next to his wife. "Another nosebleed?" He asked as he wrapped an arm around her softly rubbing her back. She just looked at him and nodded.

"I told her to go lay down, but she just went ahead and left with Tristan." She added as she looked down at the table. Jess knew that he wasn't meant to hear all of this so he just walked back towards the living room. He dropped his bag by the sofa before walking over to the mantel. It was covered with pictures of a young girl who looked just like the older woman sitting in the kitchen. It must be their daughter he told himself as he picked up one to get a better look.

"That's my little Rory." He heard the woman from the kitchen say after about a minute. He just turned to look at her. She looked more together than she did in the kitchen.

"I figured." He replied as he set the picture down in its spot on the mantel.

"We have set up a cot in her room for you until Luke can make the garage into a room for you. I hope you don't mind sharing." She said as she studied him. He was about to reply when Luke came in.

"Hey I have to get back to the diner." He said as he looked at his wife, then at his nephew. "Call me when Rory gets home." He said as he hugged his wife.

"I will, don't forget Sookie and Jackson are coming for dinner tonight." She said as she let go of him.

"How could I you have reminded me every ten minutes for a week." He replied with a laugh. "Lorelai don't forget call me." He said before he walked out the door. He just sat there for a moment not wanting to speak. It was clear something was going on. He could tell from the pain that carried around Lorelai and Luke.

"Come on let me show you your room." She finally said as she smiled at him. He could tell that it was a forced smile.

* * *

She loved when things were this simple. When she didn't have to think about what was happening to her body. She was just Rory … well actually Mary when she was with Tirstan. That's what he had chosen to call her since they met because she was a little good girl, a virgin Mary. They were never really close until she got sick. He fled to her side for no reason it at all it seemed to her until he told her about his sister. She doesn't let herself think about that though in these moments. It would bring her back down to reality too much. "Let's do something crazy." She said as she smiled over at the blonde who was driving down the highway taking her back to Stars Hallow.

"You already are. Taking Political Life with Lockhart is crazy." He replied with a laugh as he looked over at her. Bringing up the schedules that they had just picked up. She should be over the moon about starting her junior year at Chilton, but with everything that was going on she couldn't allow herself to be. She was losing the importance of education more and more every day. She just wanted to do more than study.

"No something crazier." She replied as she looked out the window. "I want to go skinny dipping in the middle of the day out by Larson's Dock. I want to spray paint Taylor's grass and then blame it on Kirk just to see how many shades of red his face turns. I want to free fall off a roof while holding an umbrella. I just want to know what it's like to really live." She said as she smiled at him.

"Mar, you are living. You still have a pulse. Therefore you are living. You don't need to do anything stupid to prove that." Tristan replied sourly as he looked over at her. She just glared back at him. She thought him of all people would understand her need to be a little crazy. "Lorelai would kill me if I ever let you be that stupid." He sighed as he looked back at the road in front of him.

"I don't see why. By the time she was my age she had a baby. You can't get much stupider than that can you?" She asked him.

"Rory." He breathed. He only called her Rory when he was upset she knew that, but that didn't stop her from opening her big mouth up even more.

"Look how that turned out for her. She gave up everything. She gave up graduating high school, her dream of going to Yale…hell, she even gave up dad for me." She said as she looked at her hands down in her lap. She felt a tear make a path down her check, but she was determined not to let him see that. "And all she gets in return is pain. All I do is hurt her. She should have gotten rid of me when she had a chance." She muttered just loud enough for him to hear. He didn't say anything the rest of the drive. She wasn't sure if that made her happy or not. She wasn't sure of anything anymore.

"You know one day we might just have to go swimming down by the dock, but your clothes stay on. You would give half the men in this town a heart attack if they saw you naked. But, I never want to hear you talk about Lorelai that way again, you know she wouldn't trade you in for anything in the world." Tristan finally said as they sat there parked in front of her childhood home.

"Some days I just want it to be over already." She mumbled to him as they walked towards the front door.

* * *

He sat there on his little cot reading one of the books he brought with him on the bus. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when Liz sent the rest of his belongings. Maybe by then Luke would have made him a room in garage because there was no way you could possibly put any more stuff into the little room they stuck him in now. Not that it mattered. He was sure that everyone would be happier if he was killed by boxes. He just lost himself in a book, it was the only way to stop thinking about ways out of here. "Rory where the hell have you been!" He heard Lorelai practically yell as the front door slammed shut. He just put his book down listening to the noise out in the hall, but he couldn't make out what was being said really until Lorelai raised her voice again "Where are you going?"

"You wanted me to rest, so I am going to take a nap!" He heard a new voice yell before the young woman from the pictures came in the room slamming the door behind her.

"So, you're Rory." He said after it became clear that she didn't notice him. She just squealed as she turned around to look at him.

"Never scare me like that again." She said as she started to laugh. "It's nice to meet you Jess. I hope I won't be too much of a burden for you." She added as she sat down on her bed.

"Eh, just leave me your nap schedule and we should be fine." He replied as he got up. "Sleep tight." He said before he left the room to find Lorelai talking to another teen in the living room. He took this as his opportunity to sneak out the back door. He just needed to think.


	2. Chapter 2

As he walked around the country nightmare of a town he was forced to live in he realized it was more hellish than he first thought. There were four shops that sold ceramic unicorns and one single stop light that takes ten minutes to turn. Not to mention the only thing resembling a grocery store was a tiny little market. He just pulled out the cigarettes that he carried with him from New York. It was a bad habit … sure, but it made things easier to deal with. He didn't even want to think about the fact this was probably his last pack in a long time. He just stood there leaning against the market. He tried to close his eyes and picture his beloved home town, but nothing could take him back. "I wouldn't let Taylor catch you out here like that." He heard a voice say causing him to open his eyes. There stood the mystery that was Luke's daughter standing in front of him. She looked better than she did an hour or so ago, apparently the nap helped. He started to open his mouth, but she just took the cigarette out of his hand and flicked it on the ground. "Taylor will give you a ticket if he does." She said as she stepped it making sure it was out. "Luke would freak. You might even get to see that vain that comes out of his neck, but I don't think that would be the best thing to do on your first night in town." She added as she looked at him.

"But, you make seeing the vain sound like so much fun?" He replied with a laugh causing her to smile. For a moment he let himself believe that this town might not be so bad … if he had a partner in crime. He just smiled at her taking in her long brown hair and bright blue eyes. She seemed happy for a moment that was until a blonde fellow about their age group called for her.

"Mary, you have to stop running off." He said as he walked up to them.

"You used to be a hell of a lot more fun." She muttered bitterly to him before pointing him in the direction of the market. "I will meet you in there in a minute. I am just filling in Luke's nephew on some important town rules." She added as she tried to smile at the blonde. She just watched as he walked away before looking back at Jess again.

"Boyfriend?" He asked coldly making her tone a minute before sound like cheering.

"Tristan are you kidding." She said with a laugh. "He is more of a bodyguard. Lorelai's sad little lackey." She replied as she looked down at the sidewalk.

"Well, your bodyguard is waiting for you." He said as he looked through the window to see the blonde looking up at them from one of the aisles.

"Personally I think he only came at the chance he could get a punch in on the bag boy, but I better hurry up everyone is waiting for us back at the house." She explained as she walked towards the door. "I will see you around roomie." She practically squealed before walking into the market.

* * *

She hated going into the market. She hated seeing him. He was the worst one in this town that threw everything back in her face. And somehow he was always there looking smug as he bagged the people of Stars Hallow groceries. Sometimes she wished someone would drop a case of potatoes on his head … other times she tried to kill him with kindness. Neither of her thought processes ever worked. "I swear that his name tag should say Asshole." Tristan said as he watched her try to avoid eye contact with the tall teenaged bag boy who was stocking tampons just a foot away from them. But, his comment only made things worse. It caused the asshole of the year to pay attention to them. She wondered what she ever saw in Dean. He used to seem nice, but after their last breakup she lost all respect for him.

"We don't serve douche bags here." Dean said as he looked at Tristan completely ignoring her. How could he do that? After almost a year together he could look right passed her just to piss off one of her friends.

"Oh, no so you just employ them here?" Tristan asked bitterly causing her to grab a pink package not caring if it was up to her mother's standards. She just needed out of that store.

"Tristan lets go please." Rory said as she looked up at him. She could tell it was too late to stop this. His anger was getting the best of him. It always did when it came to Dean. That's why she tried to run off to the store without him. She didn't want to put up with this anymore.

"You might want to listen to her Tristan." Dean muttered. "Why would you want to keep your little girlfriend waiting?" He said coldly as Rory just gave up walking over to the registers.

"I am sorry did I miss something. The last time I checked you were the asshole that dumped her when she needed you the most." Tristan replied as he walked away towards Rory.

"It took her no time at all to replace me!" Dean called back. By that point Rory was on her way out the door wanting to just go home. All she wanted was to forget what happened in the market, what happened with Dean at all.

* * *

Sitting on a bus bench across the street debating if he wanted to light up another cigarette he had a front row ticket to the show that went on when the girl he was just talking to stormed out of the market. Lorelai's lackey as she called him following behind her. "You don't get to do that." She spat at him once they were out the door. "I get to hate him. Not you. Not my mother. Not Luke." She said her voice getting louder with each word. He couldn't help, but wonder what the hell happened. They just ran into the market for a few minutes. When she was talking to him she seemed to be happy, but now she looked like she was going to kill him.

"I think everyone has a right to hate that ass!" The blonde yelled back to her. "He was the coward that ran! A year together and he did that to you!" Jess noticed more and more townspeople stopping to watch the fight. Apparently this was his first dose of small town entertainment.

"Exactly!" She screamed at him. "He did that to ME!" She yelled.

"What so I can't hate him for running out on you the first time the C word came up?" He asked back keeping his voice lower than his. C word? What the hell was the story with this girl? She surely seemed to have crazy down pat, but he knew it was something more than that. It had something to deal with the crying and bloody tissues this morning.

"No you can't. He didn't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it and since you can't even say the word you don't either!" She yelled at him as tears started running down her face.

"You want me to say it really. You want me to call it out in front of the whole damn town! Because I thought that was what you hated, but here we are! SO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL TO DO HERE AVA!" Jess wasn't the only who knew calling her the wrong name was the last straw in this fight. She just chucked the Doose's Market bag she was carrying at him.

"DROP DEAD!" She called out as she ran the other way. Her hair just flew behind her as she disappeared down the street. Everyone else around just stood there in shock. He didn't know why he did it, but he found himself walking after her. In his mind, he justified it as keeping an eye out for his uncle's girl. If something happened to her Luke could kill him. But, he knew it was something more.

* * *

AVA. AVA. AVA. AVA! AVA! She knew that it would only be a matter of time. He wasn't in this to help her. He didn't give a crap about her. He was just trying to bring his sister back. Why the hell couldn't he just accept that nothing was going to bring her back? Ava was gone. She was still here, but so often he made it seem like the other way. Rory died when the results came back, but Ava became alive again. They had the same eyes. She could see how he saw Ava when he looked at her. But, she wasn't AVA. She never would be.

She ran to the old bridge. She loved that place. Luke took her here when she was younger. They would go fishing. She cried every time she caught a fish until he threw it back in. He brought her here three years ago when he asked for her blessing. No one mattered more to Lorelai he explained. She was so happy at the thought of her mother finally marrying Luke. He had been so good for both of them. He treated her like a daughter when he didn't have to. He could have been someone who just wanted Lorelai. He could have sent her off to live with Christopher. Who knows what would have happened then? She loved her father, but he wasn't always the most reliable. Hell, she didn't even know where he was anymore. He would call though. He always made sure he called. Checked in with his Gilmore Girls as he called them even after her mother became technically a Danes. But, he wasn't there for them like Luke was. But, lately … the worst things got … he just started to pull away from her. Distancing himself from her pain. Not wanting to go through everything he did with his father. She could understand it, but at times she didn't want to. She just wanted the old days back. She wanted to go back in time. Back to when everything was easy. But, she knew she couldn't. She looked at her reflection in the water. She was just the shell of the person she used to be. Everyone else had seen it, but she had been avoiding thinking like that.

She just left the bridge walking back to the house trying not to think about anything. She knew by now everyone had heard about what happened. Her mother would probably take Tristan's side. Say that he just cared about her wellbeing and that he hated Dean before everything happened anyways. Luke would just sit there staring at his shoes. Sookie and Jackson would be too amused by the fancy food they were making for this little dinner party tonight to even put in their input. She could see the house as she walked up to the house, but she just turned around. She didn't want to deal with them right now. She didn't need lectures. She didn't need the sad looks. She just wanted to live a little. Do something crazy. Tristan or no Tristan.

"Bailing out before you even make it to the driveway … you don't seem like the type." She just smiled as she stopped herself from running into Jess. Much like herself he seemed to be turning the other way from the mess of a gathering.

"How do you know what type I am?" She asked back still walking away from the house, but now with company.

"Well, I know that Blondie calls you Mary. You only call goodie-goodies Mary without adding the Magdalene onto the end." He answered as he smirked at her.

"Oh yeah, so the whole too cool for school thing makes it where you don't do dinner parties?" She asked as they walked towards the same old bridge that she had just come from.

"Tuffaware parties and potlucks aren't my sort of thing." He replied as he looked around at the trees that surrounded them.

"Bummer." She replied with a laugh. It felt so good to be this free. To laugh for the sake of it.

"So, Mary where are we going?" He asked as he smiled at her.

"Never call me that again." She replied as she stopped in her tracks. She wasn't sure why she said that to him. Maybe it was because of how much she hated the nickname. Or maybe it was because ONLY Tristan could call her that. Either way there was no way that she was going to let him call her Mary. It wasn't going to happen.

"Well, you haven't proved to me that you're not a Mary." He said with a laugh. "This whole dinner party thing could be a fluke. A little taste of rebellion from a Mary way too scared to do anything more daring."

* * *

What the hell was he thinking picking a fight with this girl? She was clearly still upset from the fight outside of the market. Plus, he really shouldn't piss off the person he is forced to share a room with. He could wake up with no hair tomorrow if he didn't watch what he was doing. But, she just made it just so much fun. He watched as she moved closer to him bracing himself for when she tried to beat the shit out of him. "I'm not scared of anything. And I am not a Mary." She said as she looked at him. They were only inches apart. He was about to tell her to prove it when before he knew it her lips crashed down on his. His mind went blank as he kissed her back. He wasn't sure what the hell he was doing. That probably had something to do with her perfectly gentle lips moving with his. He had never had a kiss affect him that way. He thanked his mother sending him to stay with his uncle Luke. Then it clicked in his head that this was his UNCLE Luke's girl. He pushed her off him as soon as he could.

"What the hell was that? Why the hell would you do that?" He asked as he started to freak out. "We are freaking cousins." He added as his anger and frustration came through his voice. She just laughed for a minute as she rolled her eyes.

"And I am the Mary." She replied sourly. "That was a kiss, Sherlock and I did it because I wanted to." She said before she started walking away from him. "Oh by the way, I'm not blood related to you genesis, so don't freak out about incest or what the hell you are thinking about." She replied coldly before she walked slowly across the wooden bridge that she had led him to. He just watched as she walked away for a moment before he moved to catch up with her.

"I'm sorry about that." He once he did. He knew that he had hurt her feelings. It was written all over her face.

"Don't be. It was a learning experience. I can honestly say I have never been pushed away by a guy before. There is a first time for everything I guess." She said as she avoided looking in his eyes. "Now I can understand how Tristan felt when I cried that time he kissed me." She rambled on. He didn't know what he was thinking when he put his arm on her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She just wasn't like every other girl he had met before. He could tell there was just something different … special … about her. Maybe that is why he risked getting shipped off again when he kissed her again. He was expecting her to push him away. He deserved it. But, she didn't. His mother would question what kind of girl would kiss someone she had just met because she felt like it. Luke would probably kill him for even touching this girl. Yet, he just couldn't bring himself to pull away. That was until she pushed him a little straight into the water. He just looked up at her in disbelief as he came up from under the water.

"What would you have done if I didn't know how to swim?" He asked her as he watched her smile grow more and more. He watched as she discarded her jacket before she sat down on the edge of the bridge.

"I was a lifeguard a couple years ago for a day. I would have saved you." She explained as she slipped her shoes off placing them on the bridge. "Plus, you seemed like the type of person up for an adventure." She said with a laugh as she lowered herself into the water.

"Pushing someone into a lake is what you call an adventure. What were you a bubble child?" He asked as he looked at her. Why couldn't he figure her out? It bugged him to no end. He had never been around a girl that he had to put a second thought into it. She was so different then.

"Well, you know I have to work my way up to knocking off the liquor store." She said with a laugh as she leaned back to get her hair wet. He couldn't believe that she was letting the lake water touch her head. Most girls would care too much about getting the fishy lake smell trapped in their head.

"I see you got big dreams there." He replied as he swam over closer to her.

"Of course, I'm a Gilmore!" She exclaimed like he was supposed to know what that meant. "Plus, jumping in this lake could be a matter of life and death. If you cross Dewy you might never get out alive."

"Dewy?" He asked as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Yep, he is this really mean swan that stays out by Lawerson's Dock." She explained as she looked at him. "He chased Luke once all the way back to the diner. It was a riot. You know I think Mom got that on video tape, we need to show you that someday." She said as she smiled at him. He just laughed thinking about his uncle running down the street being chased by a swan. "Now whenever he goes passed the dock he carries a ladle. What good is that going to do I have no clue." She said as she looked at him.

"A ladle." He repeated as he processed her words. "Yep, I am have to give him hell about that."

"You might get to see the vain then!" She said with excitement referring back to the conversation they had outside the market. He just laughed as he thought about her words.

"I think I done a lot more than that to cause me to see the vain." He said as he held her close to him. It was going to be more than hard to explain swimming in the lake with his stepdaughter after he had kissed her.

"Right the cigarette outside of the market." She replied softly with a laugh. He couldn't help, but to love how she was avoiding talking about what was happening. It only made her more appealing to him. How someone could be as bold as she was and yet so innocent he would never understand.

"Yep." He replied with a smirk as he smiled at her. But, something changed quickly. He could see fear in her eyes before he saw the blood coming out of her nose. "Shit." He said as he led her back towards the bridge. Once they were out of the water, he panicked and grabbed her jacket. It was the only thing that they had to stop the bleeding. "Put your head back." He said as he placed the fabric of the jacket against her nose.

"It always ruins everything." She said as she moved his hand so she was holding the fabric before standing up. "I'm sorry." She mumbled as he wrapped his arm around her waist leading her back to the house. He watched as she started to cry. "Just when I thought I could escape for a little." She mumbled through her tears.

* * *

She knew something was wrong when she couldn't find her daughter. Sure she knew that Rory would need time to cool off after the fight at the market. Seven people from around town called to ask about it. It wasn't like Rory to blow up like that in public. It wasn't like Tristan to forget where he was and call her Ava. She knew that was what hurt more than anything. When he compared her to Ava, Rory felt as if she was going to die too. But, fight or no fight Rory always at least called when she was hiding out from the blonde camped out in the living room. "It's not like you can lock her in this house and not let her leave." Luke said as he looked at his wife. Like hell she couldn't. She was one more minute from going and buying the child a bubble. She couldn't handle waiting like this. She took a breath when she heard the front door open up. That was until she heard Jess's voice.

"Uncle Luke!" He called as he led a soaked Rory into the kitchen holding a jacket to her nose. Lorelai started to panic at the sight. It was the second nosebleed of the day.

"Why the hell are you two soaked to the bone?" She asked angrily as she rushed to her daughter's side. "How stupid could you be!" She yelled at Jess as Luke and Sookie looked at her daughter.

* * *

How could he be that stupid? She wanted to know the answer, but he didn't have one. Maybe he would know what not to do if someone would tell him what the hell was going on. He was about to say something like that when Rory interrupted him. "Don't yell at him. I was the one who pushed him in the lake." She said as looked at her mother.

"That explains why boy wonder is wet, but what about you?" Lorelai asked her. He wished she would have let him take the blame. The fact that Rory was behind this only made Lorelai more upset that her daughter was behind this and she made that clear.

"I jumped in after him." Rory replied weakly as she looked up at her mother.

"Rory, you can't just jump into the germy water. What are you thinking?" She asked as she sat down in the chair next to the younger girl.

"I wasn't thinking." Rory replied as she looked at her mother before she looked over at Jess. "That's what made it so great." He left the room as Lorelai started to go on her lecture. He wasn't welcome in that room. But, when he got to the living room he saw Tristan sitting there and he knew he wasn't welcome there either. He ended up sitting out on the front porch looking out at the front yard. He thought back to sitting on the stoop in New York watching people walk around and cars fly by. It was more peaceful than the eerie silence that fell over this yard.

"I've been dreading having this conversation with you." Luke said as he walked up and sat down next to Jess. Jess just looked over at his uncle. He could see the pain in his face. He wondered why he didn't pick up on it earlier. "You can't be reckless when you are with Rory."

"Yeah I got that." He mumbled keeping himself from making an ass of himself at that moment. He could tell something was really wrong here.

"She's sick, Jess." Luke chocked out as he looked down at his lap. "In May she was diagnosed with Leukemia." He could tell how hard it was for those words to come out of his mouth.

"Cancer." He said aloud in disbelief. He didn't see that one coming. It seemed like a sick twist in fate. He finally found someone worth putting time into to form a relationship and she was sick. God must really hate him.

* * *

Someone told him. She could tell by the way he avoided her. He was caught up in a book and the music playing in the background. She could kill someone for ruining this. He treated her life she wanted to be; now he won't even look at her. She just sat down the book she was trying to read and walked over to the bookshelf. She knew something that could at least get him to acknowledge her. There on the bookshelf sat the CD that she was looking for. Tristan had got it for her as a joke. She just smiled as she replaced the Clash CD that had been playing with the Loretta Lynn CD that she had only listened to once before. She turned it to the track she wanted and just sat back and waited. _Well I was born a coal miner's daughter, in a cabin on a hill in Butcher Holler…_ She saw him smirk as the music played in the background. She could tell by his face that he was holding in something. "Please tell me you people don't stand in the town square singing this." He said as he gave up putting his book down on his cot next to him.

"Ha, I got you to talk." She said as she crawled down to the end of her bed. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted to. He just rolled his eyes at her.

"Yes you got my attention, now can you turn that down?" He asked her. She just laughed at him. She wasn't about to let him trick her.

"No, if I turn it off you will pick your book back up and ignore me again." She explained. "And next time I will just chuck something at your pretty little face." She said with a laugh. He just sat there. "You don't get to do this." She said coldly as she looked him dead in the eyes. "You come here and we have multiple descent conversations. You don't just get to avoid me because of what they told you."

"I'm just…" He stopped himself from finishing that thought as he looked at her.

"Scared?" She asked. He nodded slightly as he looked at her. "You do realize that you can't catch it right?" She asked with a laugh. "Because some people around here didn't." She added.

"Rory, I am not stupid or five." He said as he looked at her. Then he looked down at his lap. "It just sucks. I finally met someone with some substance to them. They love books and mostly good bands … I have to question the last choice of yours. And then this… it just sucks." She just moved to sit on the cot next to him. She wrapped her arms around him gently.

"I'm not going anywhere." She whispered to him. "Well, tomorrow I have school so physically I will be gone sometimes, but you get what I am trying to say here right?" She asked.

"Yeah, I get it." He replied as he looked down at her. She just prayed that night that she didn't lie to him. She wanted to be here for him. She wasn't ready to leave yet.


	3. Chapter 3

She always had a soft spot for fall. She remembered running through the piles leafs at the inn as a child, back when her and her mother lived in that little shed. Nothing was more fun than that then and she could get away with messing up the piles of neatly raked leafs. After all she was the princess of the Independence Inn. Mia would tell her that all the time. Mia. Wow, that was a name easily lost in the craziness of the last year. The woman who was more of a grandmother to her than her own grandmother moved to Maine two years ago with her new husband. Lorelai talks to her on the phone every now in then, but rarely does it go farther than how the inn is holding up. That's how everything seems to be now short, simple, and straight to business. She missed the fun of life. Fall used to mean candy corn and candy apples until they puked. It meant staying up all night for a scary movie marathon. It meant dressing up to hand out trick-or-treat candies until they ran out, then sitting by watching as Taylor's house got egged again. It meant watching Weird Science at midnight and then treating November first like a second New Year's. October used to be such a great time. Best time of the year if you asked her. But, now it was nothing more than foggy mornings sitting out on the front porch trying not to cry as the thoughts crept up on her.

In literature, she had found years ago that fall was a time of middle-agedness and wisdom. When she looked at herself in the mirror she could see a forty year old woman staring out of her sixteen year old body. As for the wisdom part, she finally understood something her mother tried to explain to her years ago. _"In this crazy world, wise is just something that we call old fools. Because in our minds they should know more than we do, but they don't."_ She was a fool for acting like things were getting better. It was fall, she was aged now, and she was smart enough to know what was coming next. With the bare trees and snow, death will come. That's how it works in literature after all. The books that line her walls were the only thing that couldn't lie to her. So, her she sits looking out at the fog, thinking about all the unknowns in her life, but yet taking comfort in the fact that the end was coming soon.

"You realize that your mother would be freaking out if she walked by and saw your bed empty." She heard his voice say as he placed a blanket around her before sitting down next to her. Jess was her great white light. With him she was alive again, but it killed her to think that she was going to have leave him behind. However, all those serious thoughts disappeared as she cuddled to his side. She smiled as thought about how much she loved the way he smelled like cigarette smoke and cheap cologne.

"I won't take away any of your man points if you just said you don't like waking up without me there." She said softly as she closed her eyes trying to take them as far away from Stars Hallow as she could. He talked about New York like it was heaven. One day they will go there together or so he tells her. He wants to show her everything that makes up Jess, just like she showed him everything that made up Rory. At least the one that used to be here. The one who would read to the weeping willow out in the front yard trying to cheer it up. The one who made the neighbors old tree stomp a sandwich every afternoon trying to lure the fairies out.

"Of course I hate it when you're not there. It makes me wonder who else you wake up at two in the morning and drag out to that old bridge." He whispered as he started to ran his hand through her hair. She couldn't help, but laugh as she thought about the night before.

"_I swear if you woke me up to push me in the lake again I might have to kill you." He mumbled as she pulled him to the bridge. Her bridge. Their bridge as she called it in her head. _

"_I promise I won't push you in again." She replied with a laugh as she sat down._

"_So then what was the point of dragging me here in the middle of the night?" He asked as he sat down next to her._

"_To look at the stars silly. The sky hasn't been this clear in weeks." She replied as she smiled at him. _

"_You are a nutcase." He said as he laid back on the bridge._

"_Then how come you like me?" She asked as she smiled down at him._

"_What makes you think I like you?" He asked as he flashed that smirk that she was falling in love with._

"_I see right through you, Jess. It's okay though I like you too." She replied as she looked at him for a moment before turning to the sky full of bright stars above them. He just pulled her down so she was lying on top of him and they stayed there until the sun started to come up._

"After all I would like to believe that you like me more than Bible boy, but maybe I would just miss those goodnight kisses of yours." He added softly as he held her there staring at her as she started to fall back asleep.

* * *

She was so peaceful when she was asleep. He hated to admit it, but Luke was right she was getting worse. Her body showed all signs of that, but her spirit didn't seem to be affected. Unless it was these wee hours of the morning. She never seemed to be herself then. He couldn't help, but to push her hair out of her face as he placed her gently back on her bed. "Everything is going to be okay." She mumbled in her sleep. He just smiled as her pulled her blanket over her. Unsure of whom she was trying to reassure, but the way she talked in her sleep made him smile.

"I know it will." He whispered back as leaned down and kissed her forehead before walking back over to his cot. Unable to sleep he just stared out the window of the tiny window. He thought about New York. What would his old friends say about the way this girl had him wrapped around her fingers already? They would be rolling on the ground laughing. Tough guy Mariano turned into a sissy. He wouldn't want it any other way though. He knew that too well.

* * *

Three A.M. She should be asleep at the moment, but she can't bring herself to close her eyes. She had too much on her mind. As much as she would love to be lost in her own dream world right now. In her dream world, that little girl sleeping downstairs is five again. She glows like the candle in a Jack-o-lantern as she runs around. Her laugher filling the whole damn town as she runs through the piles of red and orange leafs. In her dreams she still runs down the hallway barefooted giggling the whole way into the room before jumping on her mother to wake her up. Nothing like this was supposed to happen to her Rory. Life was hard enough from them when they were younger.

She made a life for that little girl somehow out of the dreams that she carried with her off that bus, when she stumbled into town seventeen, scared, with no money, and a baby on her hip. She got that job at the inn and gave her daughter a home, no matter how unconventional it was. They worked together and somehow it all worked out. They met Luke, he was a miracle. He didn't have to love that little girl the way he did. He could have let them just slip away. He could have let her push him away, but he didn't. He fought for them … all three of them… to be a family. She loved him for that.

Three o' one A.M. She looks over at her sleeping husband. She thinks about the bills that were piling up on their kitchen table. She thinks about all the stress that he is under because of all of this. Does he think it was worth it? Maybe he should have just left them alone. Maybe things would be better then. She knows he has been thinking about his father a lot lately. The bad days from back then come back to him as he watches Rory get worse and just like with his father he can't do anything to fix it. Luke is a fixer. He needs to be able to be Prince Charming coming in and saving the day. But, this time he can't.

She knows a way to take some of the pressure off of him, but she wasn't sure if she could sallow her pride. Could she admit that maybe they were right all along? She couldn't take care of herself and that child even after she told them she could. That's why she ran all those years after all, not looking back. She had no other choice anymore though. They had no other way left. They couldn't make it work like they did with that fancy private school Rory managed to get into or fixing the house last year when termites were destroying it. Nope, superman sleeping next to her couldn't save the day again. It was her time to step up and she hated the only option she had.

Three o' two A.M. "I'm going to Hartford today." She said weakly hoping that he heard her. When she looked over at him, he was still sound asleep. Maybe that was for the best. He would try to talk her out of it anyway. He would tell her that they couldn't make it work somehow, but she knows better than that.

* * *

A month. It had been a month since the fight outside of the market and she was still ignoring him. It kills him to watch her walk down the halls of Chilton and turn around whenever she sees him. She stopped talking to Paris and really everyone else. Hell, some days she doesn't even show up. That's not Rory. She used to cry to come to school. He pulls up outside of Luke's. It is Saturday; she always has breakfast at Luke's on Saturdays. From the car he can see her sitting at the counter. She was smiling and laughing.

His heart sinks when he sees the person who brought happiness back to her. Jess. He was taunting her with coffee. She would have stabbed him for that, but with him she just smiles more. He debates on whether or not to go in, but then he reminds himself that she didn't want him there. He just started the car and drove away. At the light the man from the market waves at him before turning to talk to one of the town gossips. He knows they are probably wondering what the hell he was doing there.

What the hell was he doing there? He lost her. He knew that when she stopped calling him at night. He lost her, because he was an idiot. He lost her because he was too dumb to realize who he had to begin with.

* * *

"_How is it working out with Jess there?" _He looked over at his nephew and his step daughter sitting at the counter laughing about something or other as his sister's voice came through the phone. Having Jess around brought some life back into her, and Luke loved that.

"Great, I think him being here is helping everyone." He said into the phone as he smiled looking the two teenagers. He heard his sister talking, but wasn't listening as he watched the two get up.

"Luke, we are heading out. See you at home tonight!" Rory called to him as she held the door open for Jess.

"Yeah, see you at home kiddo." He replied. It felt normal. God, did he love normal. He never realized how much he would miss the normal days.

"_Jess, told me about your girl. He mentioned that she had a birthday coming up. She seems to be helping him a lot, so I sent down a gift for her." _He looked at the calendar on the wall in disbelief. When did October seek up on him as he looked at the date staring back at him? It was seven days till her birthday. She was going to be another year older. He couldn't help, but wonder if this was going to be her last birthday. Seventeen forever, she was better than that. She has dreams. She is going to go to Harvard. Really make something of herself. That's how it had to be. It just had to.

* * *

She looked at her parents in despair. She hated how they always made her feel two feet tall. "You need money." Her father's voice boomed as she watched him pour himself a scotch in the middle of the day. It wasn't Christmas, her mother already made that clear when she answered the door, so logically to them this was all there was.

"I knew that Diner man wouldn't be able to provide for you. You should have married Christopher." Her mother snapped at her. Christopher. That would have been a disaster. They were sixteen and stupid to even think they were meant to be together. But, she got Rory from that train wreck, so she tried not to complain.

"Rory's sick." She replied coldly as she looked her mother dead in the eyes. For the first time in a long time she saw what could pass as emotion in Emily Gilmore's eyes.

"What do you mean she is sick?" Her mother asked as her father sat down forgetting about his drink.

"She was diagnosed with Leukemia back in May. She needs treatments and medicine and I don't know what else to do." Lorelai said as she looked at the floor.

"I'll get the checkbook." Her father replied as he got up.

"Not so fast. If we are going to finically evolved in your life then I want to be socially apart of your life. I want you and Rory and Diner man himself here for dinner every Friday." Emily said as she looked at her daughter. She didn't have no choice she knew that. It was just like her mother to be that way and it made her sick to know that.


End file.
